Healing is a process. I used to think it was a place that you could reach and then be done with it. But really it is a journey with a lot of pot holes and some dicey roads. Often at times I hold the holy shit bar and wonder why on earth I am even on this road in the first place. But with each pot hole carefully filled the journey can get easier. The road we are on can be full of other drivers (as in a communal experience) or an empty road in the middle of nowhere with just us on it. Often it is a road that we must drive, ride our bike, or walk along alone. But just because you are on an empty road doesn’t mean you can’t occasionally car pool or ride the bus with supportive people.
With every turn on the road of grief each pot hole is slowly filled. Letting go of the things I was expecting. Letting go of the identity I had previously crafted. Letting go of all that “could be.” And letting go of all the beliefs I thought to be true at the time. Beneath all that stuff… is me. And beneath all that stuff is you.
Letting go is a premise that is not so much about just getting over something. It is more about dismantling by hand everything you have built in your thoughts, dreams, actions, and achievements and rebuilding it in a different form while often leaving behind a lot of building material in the past. Now if that doesn’t sound like a levelling up opportunity in the game of life I don’t know what would.
Although the journey is going to be more than difficult at the end we will discover a new wholeness. And with our new wholeness we will continue onto the next journey. One step at a time. One milestone after the other. We got this. We will learn the tools to keep ourselves sane and on the road.
As we hit ditches along the way that seem to bring us back to the past we can remind ourselves (with the help of the tools we have learned) that we do not exist there anymore. We are powerful people and we are stronger than we think we are on the worst of days. I like to remind myself that nothing I do today can ever take me back to the past to change something or prevent it or make an outcome different. I have found myself on the road of “if only’s” before and all I can say is get out of that tunnel right now.
That tunnel is not what anyone needs. Ever.
If at any point you are struggling please reach out to a mental health professional or crisis line in your local area. Friends and family can also be the support you need right now. So reach out.